Dealing with Self-Sabotage in Life and Business

Has someone ever told you that you’re “self-sabotaging,” but when you tried to shift the pattern, you felt stuck? That’s because you’re not actually sabotaging yourself at all! Working with the part of you that’s “sabotaging” as if it’s there to help you is actually the key to shifting the pattern to something you’d rather experience.

Let’s take the example of changing a behavior that seems to be “self-sabotage,” like staying up too late watching TV or reading a book and then feeling tired the next morning.

We could tackle this behavior with mindset tools, make clear intentions, set bedtime reminders, and any other number of approaches that work directly with this behavior in order to attempt to change it.

Sometimes, these approaches will work for a few days or even weeks, and then the behavior comes back.

If someone said to you, “this is self-sabotage,” you might even double down on your efforts, determined to make the change.

Ever done that? Me too!

You might have felt the same sinking embarrassment inside your chest that I did when told a behavior was “self-sabotage.”

This phrase gives me a sense of helplessness, as though part of me is really trying to get in the way of another part of me and there’s not much hope for me figuring this out.

I hear this phrase a lot in the coaching world, especially around procrastination for business tasks and getting things done.

The thing that bothers me about this phrase is the slight bit of shaming energy that comes with it. Even if it’s not intended in that way, the words carry that import.

It’s too easy to use this phrase to beat ourselves up.

Instead, it really helps to look at this as a part of ourselves that is really scared and trying to protect us from something or meet a need that isn’t being met. Often these needs that aren’t being met are unconsciously rising to the surface despite the beliefs we hold.

For example, if you’re a mom who is staying up too late to watch TV or read a book, it might be because you believe that you should be giving your all throughout the day and this is the only time left over for you to do something fun for yourself.

The myriad of situational and mental barriers to taking time for yourself as a mother are many, so it only makes sense that you’d push this aside. Then, the part of you that really wants you to meet that need will come to the surface when a moment appears that allows you to address this need.

The same is true of the (so-called) procrastination in your business.

Maybe, instead of getting all those tasks done today, your inner being needs to lie down, your body needs rest, and your spirit needs the space to breathe and just be.

Is that procrastination?

No.

It’s allowing the true needs of your body and spirit to emerge, which then allows the space and time for your best ideas, your true genius, and your inner wisdom to flow to you.

I’d love to suggest taking the words “self-sabotage” and “procrastination” right out of your vocabulary entirely and replacing them with “I have an unmet need right now.”

Can you feel the energy of that? WHOA!

It’s a game changer.

Can you think of any other phrases or words that feel slightly shaming that you’d like to ditch in favor of this new statement? I’d love to hear! Let’s make a collective list! (Comment below or reply - depends on if post or email.)

Changing these subtle self-pressure phrases and words and shifting into self-kindness as much as possible is one of the biggest things I teach you how to do for you and your clients in my Mind-Body Magic Life Coach Training Program.

Easing off the self-pressure is the most important thing you can do to reduce the physical symptoms from chronic illness, heal TMS or stress-induced pain syndromes, release stress, and ditch anxiety. The subtle layers of this practice will create immense healing.

And, if you’re hoping to grow and scale your coaching business but don’t want to run yourself into the ground doing so, shifting into self-kindness is essential. These hustle-based, shaming phrases are hidden everywhere, and you get to scrap all of them in favor of kinder, gentler ways.

You can learn more about this program and others here.